Rosheen Khan

RK: Wales has always been my home. And I think Wales is also part of my identity. So, I don't call myself a British South Asian, I'd always say that I'm a Welsh South Asian. Because the Welsh people have always been so kind to us. And Cardiff is so multicultural that it's...it's always been so welcoming, because they've always grown up with multicultural people around them, especially South Asians in Grangetown. I grew up with so many Pakistani aunties and uncles just around the community. And people always say that it takes a community to raise a child and in...in Grangetown, it really did, because you always had somebody looking out for you.

MP: And so, do you have any memories of Grangetown growing up?

RK: Grangetown, it’s…people either love it or hate it. It's very...it was very rundown. It was full of crime when I was growing up as well, so you'd always have like murders or stabbings or just whatever going on. And I live by the River Taff, so whenever there was an accident, you could hear the helicopters by my house or when I was trying to go to sleep. But I don't think I'd ever want to live somewhere else, looking back on my childhood, because at the same time, Grangetown is so multicultural, and there's so many people that were always looking out for you. So, my mum has a lot of cousins who live here, and going to the park, my mum knew that I was always safe there because there's somebody watching, or playing football in the streets, it was okay, because nobody was looking at you thinking, why is that South Asian girl playing football? Because it was so normal. In Grangetown, yeah, it's just…it's home, and I love it.

MP: Could you imagine living anywhere else ever?

RK: No. Looking back at my childhood, at...in the moment, I'd always think like I want to move out of Grangetown, I hate Grangetown, but looking back at it, I'd never ever change it.

MP: And so why would you feel like that when you were younger?

RK: Because there was so much going on in terms of crime, and it was so rundown. Like everybody would always look at Grangetown twice. There was no money, there was so many, like, play centres that we used to have and they get closed down, because there was just no council money. And yeah, I hated it in the moment, but I love it now.

MP: And so, you mentioned crime and kind of what...and the kind of types of crime. Could you tell me a little bit more about that sort of crime?

RK: So, there’d...when I was growing up, there wasn't...it wasn't really in Grangetown per se, but because Grangetown’s so central in Cardiff, it would always be like associated with Grangetown. So, I remember when I was younger, there was a murder literally a couple of blocks down the road from me. And that was spoken about, and it is still spoken about since this day...till this day, sorry. And then a couple of years ago, there was a stabbing on the next block from me, and that was to do with drugs. And then obviously when some...something's happened in the River Taff, you can hear the helicopters, and everyone's always like, oh, that's to do with Grangetown, when really the crime doesn't really come from Grangetown, it's just associated so much with Grangetown.

MP: And why is that?

RK: I think it's because obviously growing up, Grangetown was such a poor area that people turn to that a lot more, and a lot of gangsters, as you would call them back then, and people who committed crime would live in Grangetown. So, I know somebody who's been arrested on my street, who's gone to jail. Some...loads of people have died in the face of crime, like they've been stabbed. I know one of my mum's cousins, he died, because he was involved with crime. So, yeah.

MP: And so, does it tend to be gang-related, or...?

RK: It usually is gang-related. I think gang culture has stopped a lot more since a lot of money has been put into Grangetown. But it doesn't mean that it has stopped fully. But yeah, a lot of it does seem to be gang culture.

MP: And is it...are they like rival gangs, or...?

RK: It's not really rival gangs, it's just I think a lot of the gangs, they deal drugs, and then obviously with that comes knife crime and what have you.

MP: Okay. And so you mentioned about how you feel Welsh rather than British, right? You’d never say like you're South Asian like British, or...but you talk about being Welsh. Can you tell me a little bit more about that?

RK: Yeah. So, like I said, Cardiff is so multicultural. So growing up, I wasn't really around white people. Even though Cardiff is the capital of Wales, there's so many people that you see on the streets in Grangetown town, particularly, that just aren't white. So...and even if, like, I was to go somewhere else in Cardiff, everybody would be so accommodating towards us. Like, you'd never experience racism or slurs thrown at you in the streets. I'd always ever only experience that going outside of Cardiff. So, not even just outside of Cardiff, just outside of Wales in general. Because even going to like, say, Swansea or Bridgend, people were just so accommodating. Like, the Welsh people are so kind and polite that I'd never consider myself British, I'd always say I'm a Welsh South Asian.

MP: And so have you ever experienced racism in Wales?

RK: I've never experienced it in Wales to my face. I have experienced a lot of online hate with what me and my sister...the work that me and my...me and my sister do.

MP: With the Football Association?

RK: Yeah. So, with everything that we do within football, we've had a lot of articles published about us, and the hate has always been over there rather than to our face. So, there was a picture of me and my sister [Eleeza] in Wales football shirts, and I think I remember one of the comments saying, why are those two hijabi girls wearing the Wales top? That's not even their culture. When really it is, because I'm just as Welsh as say a white person wearing a Welsh dress.

MP: And so where was...where...do you remember was this like a newspaper article, or what was it?

RK: Yeah. So, it was a newspaper article, a BBC article that was published on to Facebook. And the comment section...the comment section just went crazy. Yeah.

MP: What, with other like derogatory comments or like positive comments, or...?

RK: There was...most of the comments were positive, so I can't complain in that part. But there was just like the odd few that said, just like talking about...mainly talking about our religion rather than our...our culture, or where we're from. But I do remember the odd few saying about the fact that we were in Welsh tops. Or when we went to Switzerland for the Euro 2028 bid, the fact that we looked different, and that we're not typically Welsh, there was just a lot of comments around that.

MP: Online though?

RK: Yeah.

MP: And so how does that make you feel?

RK: I don't really consider online hate. I think me and Eleeza have a close enough relationship where we can talk about it and say, like, they're just keyboard warriors, and they're not really interested in the work that we do, or they're just jealous of the work that we do. So we don't really take it to heart.

MP: And so do you respond in any way?

RK: No, we've never ever responded. And my mum's always taught us never to respond to hate, and always just smile and wave.

RK: And I've always struggled with confidence, so refereeing helped with me a lot with that, because I was able to come out of my comfort zone and actually run around on the pitch, where I thought I'd be judged so much, but I actually wasn't, looking back. So, football has helped me so much with my confidence, and just understanding that you do actually belong here, whatever background you come from. So, a lot of the work that we do at FEW, it usually tends to be a lot of white people that we do the work with. And at the beginning me and Eleeza struggled with that a lot, because obviously we're two South Asian Muslim girls, we do look clearly very physically different to all of them. So, we...we...we were able to talk to a couple of our friends within those organizations about that, and they just say like, you're literally exactly like us, like it doesn't matter where you come from, you're being given the same opportunities as everyone else, and you're smashing the game just like everyone else, so it doesn't matter what you look like or where you come from.

MP: And have you ever felt that that's untrue, other than kind of maybe like internalized anxiety?

RK: No one has ever made me feel like it's untrue, they've always made me believe otherwise, which is why I believe that now, which is another thing that I'm so grateful for, for my football friends.

MP: And you mentioned about kind of, very briefly about the way in which like football has kind of helped you like with your identity, I suppose, in some ways. Can you tell me anything...anything more about that?

RK: Yeah. So, football...I think I realized a lot when I dropped out of uni the first time. Because I've always had this idea in my head of no matter what career I go into, I just want to help people, and I want to inspire people. And I think because coming from a family where most of my cousins are either doctors, nurses or teachers, like that was the only way I could express that, and that was the only way in which I knew how to express that. So I always just said, oh, I want to be a nurse. And when I dropped out, I reflected upon it, I just didn't really know what my purpose in life was, and like what I was supposed to do with my life. And I...to be honest, I still don't really understand what I'm supposed to do with my life. But I think football and sport has...and like whenever I do play football, or just sport in general, it makes me realize how happy I am in that moment, and how much community there is within sport. And that's why I love it, and that's why I resonate with it so much. And I think that's what's helped me with my identity. Even if I do still struggle with it, I look back in those moments or when I am in those moments, I remember why I do what I do.

Entry credit

Karishma Kaur